I hoped to get insights about how my gifts and healing offerings could be better communicated. I felt I was swimming against the current, offering something life-changing yet which seemed invisible to many who seemed solely focused on drugs and invasive techniques. I was also processing my own sadness and feelings of rejection in the face of coming forward with my abilities. I was seeking support, guidance and understanding.
At the start of the session, she asked me to tell her about myself and my life. I told her about my spiritual "awakening" which led to reconnection with my Higher Self, Oneness, and my inner abilities to help others heal ... mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically. As an aside, I mentioned that I had a lot of tension and pain in my shoulders. "This is one area that I cannot seem to heal within myself," I stated.
She abruptly interrupted me and said "I know what your sessions is about. You are a gifted healer yet you are saying 'I cannot heal myself'." She proceeded to talk to me for over an hour, relating various stories (which seemed largely about herself, her travels, her family) ... she asked me a question at one point, but interrupted me after I'd said a few words. I was not given the opportunity to express my heart's concerns ... my purpose for connecting with her in the session.
Afterward, my head was spinning. I felt like a freight train of disappointment had hit me. This did not seem at all like "self care"; I felt so unsupported and unheard. Yet, I knew there was a choice here ... I could see the light of the session. I choose to let go of the 1.5 hours of chatter, and focus on the initial moments of her wisdom, guidance and clarity ... "You are a gifted healer yet you are saying 'I cannot heal myself'."
Seeing Our Self-Imposed LimitationsI think this is what we tend to do ... we close the door of potential achievement and self mastery by blocking our own success. We say "I can't do that" or "I've never been able to". Those sentiments act like glue that affixes us to our current state of being. Conversely, we can see these situations in which these phrases rise within us as our challenge. See this type of proclamation not as a wall, but as a mirage ... they are only "real" because that is our belief. They are transmutable. We have the power to achieve anything but our believing we cannot will NEVER deliver us there!
Awareness of the situation is definitely a HUGE first step. Right now, stop and take a look at yourself. What's that one thing or one of the things that you have felt frustrated by (perhaps they have already come to mind as you've read my "story" ... write them down so you can look more closely at them in the moments, days, and stages ahead). What's something you wish you could change about yourself, but have been unable to? How are you preventing that which you most want?
All Better?I'd love to tell you this awareness led to an immediate remedy to my pain ... that is the kind of transformation I have witnessed among my clients (immediate insight into the origin plus release of the denser energies tied to that pain). For me, it has been a process. Yet, I know that as I see and take a shovel to these opportunities to dig myself out of my own mire, I gain more than freedom ... I gain insights, empathy and tools for my work with others!
I tried to open myself, my mind, my body to healing this area. Seeing things in a different way did shift the situation! I observed my posture. I rarely used my shoulders in a full-range-of-motion way, so I started to exercise them by doing simple shoulder stretches (reversing the normal forward tilt I hold), swimming, etc. They started to feel better, more relaxed. The pain moved from my shoulder blades up toward my shoulders. I saw this as progress ... release.
A deeper epiphany came this-past fall, while I was on vacation and went for a massage. When I was on my stomach, I asked my Self for guidance and clarity ... allowing the massage therapist's hands to help me see the unseen. "What is being held in these shoulders that makes them so stiff and painful? What is my root wound here?"
I had a flash of insight as hot tears flooded my eyes. I've shared that I was told to shut down my abilities when I was just a toddler. Through my higher vision, I know this command was issued with the intent of protection and, ultimately, in alignment with my own Higher Soul's self challenge of "remembering who I AM". Yet, as a child this lack of acceptance and support was confusing, painful and felt like rejection.
Additionally, in my family I was labeled "the sensitive one". In that flash of insight, I could see my child-self being stoic. Keeping her shoulders still while she silently cried, so no one could see or judge her sorrow. With that insight I have been able to heal/release that long-held trauma and erase some of the internal programming of physical rigidity within my body.
Awareness = The Power of Choice = The Power to ChangeI am healing my shoulders! I can see how thinking I couldn't separated me from the power to heal. It may not be happening as dramatically as it does for my clients, but I am doing it. I am allowing it to be true. I am also being aware of other places "I can't" or "I have never been able to" or even "I will never" programming may be held in my consciousness. I am knowing that it is more important to me to BE who I AM than to receive acceptance from others (overcoming "rejection"). This involves focusing more clearly on those who have come into my life and support me rather than those who have left and/or cannot.
Take a look at this yourself, that is the best way to grow and evolve ... when you're not on autopilot. Listen to your words and thoughts. See more clearly the way that you self-sabotage, telling yourself it cannot be done. Shift that language within yourself and shift your past, present & future!
Love and light,
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