The past tense example I shared during this Sunday message was an incident from my childhood. My grandmother was babysitting me and physically punished me in front of some of her house guests because I would not say "good night" to them. Many years later, in adulthood, I had mentioned this memory to my grandmother. She had been astounded that of all the fun and loving times we had together I had "chosen" to remember that one.
For many years when I thought of the adult encounter I would think "well, of course I remember it. You hurt me. You embarrassed me. You were unloving to me." But recently those thoughts have evaporated, and I no longer choose to remember that incident with the force and focus that it held previously. It's been transformed and transmuted in my mind and in my heart.I have not forgotten it; I am controlling what weight I give it in my stack of memories and if and how often I want it to come to the top.
That five-minute incident from fifty years ago does not define either me or my grandmother, but it and the subsequent discussion certainly shaped us. I have realized that my creator abilities allow me to shift my focus and transmute pain through love and forgiveness. Moreover, I have realized that I am happier when I choose to focus on the things that have and continue to make me happy. Changing my life is that easy.
A woman approached me after the service and said "you are just going 'la, la, la, everything is beautiful' and pretending it didn't happen. The only thing that was appropriate when you spoke to your grandmother was for her to immediately apologize, [justify her actions with an explanation of whatever stress she was under at the time], and acknowledge that she would never do that to another grandchild again."
I told her I disagreed with that. "My happiness is not contingent upon the actions of another. That's the point! It never has been and never will be." We create our happiness through our creator abilities. This is how some people live through horrific events.
Honestly, I have experienced living my life from a space of feeling resentment, anger, hurt, abandonment, betrayal due to a myriad of external influences. I know that physically living in the space of those emotions is not pleasant for me. I have more recently lived my life in a space of surrender, bliss, and joy. I choose to live my life focusing on the people, emotions, perspectives that bring me joy. Because I believe we are here on this Earth to be in joy, not to be in Hell.
Truth is that my grandmother did, I think, make some apology when we spoke, both as adults. Honestly, I don't think I was at a place in which I was ready to accept that apology. Most recently, I have also seen another side to the situation. I see that in withholding love from my grandparents and their guests I was not being my authentic self in this childhood incident. I can see how she could look back and just as easily say "You hurt me. You embarrassed me. You were unloving to me."
Does my part in this play justify physical retaliation? No, never! Does it make sense to hit someone in order to encourage them to be more loving? No, never. But we are human and we have Free Will. Sometimes that Will to be "right" leads us astray from our Higher Selves, from our conscious Creator abilities, and from coming anywhere close to doing the "right thing".
I KNOW on some great cosmic level, unseen most of the time to our human eyes, these challenges, hurts, disappointments, struggles are there not to break us. What if they are there so that we have an "ah ha" moment, sooner or later, in which we get PAST that incident. We recover. We live again. We love again. We OVERCOME.
We are each responsible for our own happiness. I believe forgiveness is a key in this. I have forgiven myself; I have forgiven her. I embrace the times spent with my grandmother in her gardens, learning about various flowers, talking about fairies, watching birds and learning their names. This incident shaped us, but it could never begin to define either of us!
Love and light,
LIKE Healing Resonance on Facebook
subscribe to @HealingResonanc on twitter
join Kristi's mailing list
1Link to MP3 "Exceptional Living, Exceptional You ... CHOOSING to Respond and Live Life with Love", May 13, 2014